So, there is a guy named John, who has a really bad studdering problem, so he goes to doctor to see what he can do.

John: H-h-h-hello d-d-doctor, c-c-c-an y-y-you h-h-help m-me w-w-with m-m-y s-s-s-studdering?

Doctor: Yeah, well see what i can do

****after examinations***

Doctor: Well, john you see…your penis is too long and it pulling on your vocal chords, I could take about 3 inches off and it should cure your studdering problem

John: O-o-o-okay

***performs operation and john comes back a week later***

John: Hey doctor, i cant believe it! it worked!, but is there a chance you could sew it back on? id rather be studdering than missing 3 inches

Doctor: N-n-n-n-no w-w-wway!

A married couple sitting in a restaurant enjoying their dinner, halfway through the main course the man excuses himself and goes to the toilet. The woman sits there alone and decides to touch up her lipstick. The man on the next table leans over and says to the woman, “you have amazing breasts, I want to tweak them and pinch your nipples until they bleed!”

That is disgusting, you pervert, wait until my husband gets back, he will punch you in the mouth for talking to me like that.

The man interjected, I have not finished, after I have made your nipples bleed I will rip your knickers off with my teeth and stick my tongue up your arse!

Oh, you fucking sick bastard, when my husband gets back he will kick your arse for saying these things to me…

Wait, I have not finished, after making your nipples bleed and after sticking my thumb up your arse I will fill up your cunt with beer, insert a straw and drink it all; what do say to that?

You are going to die when my husband gets back, he will fucking snap your neck you dirty perverted wanker…

A couple of minutes later, the husband returns and can see his wife is clearly upset.

What is wrong darling? asks her husband.

Well, that nasty man next door said some terrible things to me, he said he wanted to tweak and twist my nipples until they bleed!

The husband was outraged, he took off his suit jacket and before he could do anything else his wife said, ‘that is not all, he also said he would then stick his thumb up my arse!’

The husband now feeling really angry rolled up his sleeves and was about to beat the man up when his wife stood and said, ‘that is not all, he then said he would fill up my cunt with beer, stick a straw in and drink every last drop!’

The husband rolled his sleeves back down, put on his suit jacket and sat quietly at the table.

After a few seconds the woman turned to her husband and said, ‘why are you not beating the shit out of that dirty, perverted wanker who said those terrible things to me?’

‘Well, to be honest, I don’t wanna fight a man who drink that much beer!’

A man walks around the beach looking for something to cool him down in the heat. He sees an icecream shop with a sign outside, “Any flavour icecream you want made here”. Curious, he walks in…

Hi, can you really make any flavour ice creams? He asks.

Yep. Anything, the guy behind the counter answers.

Thinking of something difficult, he says… OK, I’ll have a fish and chips ice cream.

The shop attendant scratches his head. Give me 2 mins.

Two minutes later, he returns with an ice cream. The customer tries it. Hmm, I can taste the fish, but what about the chips?

Turn it round the shopkeeper says.

Sure enough the other side tasted of chips.

Impressed, he orders another one. This time, I’ll have an ice cream of Bangers and Mash.

Give me 5 minutes he says.

5 mins later he returns with an ice cream. Sure enough, it tastes of Bangers.

Where’s the mash the customer asks…

Turn it round. Sure enough, Bangers and Mash.

Impressed, the customer thinks for a while. OK, this is going to be difficult. Give me an ice cream that tastes like a womans fanny!

The shopkeeper thinks for a minute. OK, give me 10 mins.

After 10 mins, he returns with an ice cream. The customer tastes it.

Ugh! Sick! This tastes like shit! The disgusted customer exclaims!

The shopkeeper says… Turn it round.